Blogs

Think Like a Six-Year-Old: The Mindset Behind Great Legal Business Development

It should come as no surprise that most lawyers don’t like business development.  They say it feels unnatural. That they didn’t go to law school to become a salesperson. That clients should just find them based on their skill or reputation.

But here’s the truth: the best lawyers I know, the ones who consistently grow strong books of business, aren’t “selling” in the traditional sense. They’re not pushing anything. They’re not working from scripts. They’re not always trying to “close” the next deal.

Instead, they’ve adopted a different mindset. One that’s resilient, generous, and surprisingly childlike.

In fact, if I had to describe the perfect business development mindset, it would be this: think like a six-year-old.

What Six-Year-Olds Understand That Lawyers Forget

Think about a six-year-old. They’re curious. They ask questions. They speak their mind. They walk up to new people without fear. And most importantly, they don’t internalize rejection.  Tell a six-year-old “no,” and what do they do? They ask again. Or they ask a different way. Or they pivot to something else entirely. What they don’t do is shut down, take it personally, and quit.

Now compare that to a typical lawyer trying to develop business. They take a risk, send a cold email, reach out to a contact, pitch a client, and the response isn’t immediate, or isn’t enthusiastic. And what happens? They retreat. They tell themselves, “I’m just not good at this,” or “That person must not be interested,” or “I’ll wait until I have something more concrete to offer.”

In other words, they treat “no” like the end of the conversation, when it’s usually just the beginning.  The lawyers who succeed long-term in business development understand that rejection isn’t personal, it’s part of the process. Like a six-year-old, they don’t dwell. They just keep showing up.  [You Can’t Teach Hungry: The Growth Mindset Behind Every Multi-Million-Dollar Book of Business]

Business Development Is Hard. That’s Why It Works.

Here’s something else most lawyers need to hear: business development is supposed to be hard. It requires patience, resilience, and long-term thinking. You’re not just offering legal services, you’re building trust. That takes time. And it means you’ll hear “no” far more often than you hear “yes.” But that’s the game. If it were easy, everyone would have a multimillion-dollar book of business.

Developing business means reaching out even when you don’t feel like it, following up even when you’ve been ghosted, and showing up consistently even when you’re not immediately needed. It means adding value even when there’s nothing “in it” for you in the moment.

This is where most lawyers fall short. They expect results too quickly. They take rejection too personally. And they confuse business development with salesmanship, when in fact it’s about service.

Stop Selling. Start Helping.

The biggest mindset shift? Stop trying to “get hired.” Start trying to be helpful.

When you approach business development with the intent to sell, people feel it, and they recoil. But when you approach it with the intent to add value, they lean in.

Clients want to be around people who make their lives easier, not harder. They want people who anticipate problems, offer perspective, connect dots, and introduce resources, even when there’s no immediate legal fee attached.

You want to be the first call your contact makes when something big happens, not because they owe you anything, but because you’ve been consistently helpful, generous, and top-of-mind.

Here’s the irony: the less you focus on selling, and the more you focus on serving, the more business you’ll generate.

A Simple Act. A Dozen Deals.

Some years ago, I was speaking at a conference when I met a young investment banker, just starting out, in the exhibition hall. He introduced himself, and we chatted for a few minutes. I made a couple of introductions for him and moved on.

Later that day, I saw him sitting alone at lunch. I joined him, made a few more introductions, and treated him like I would any professional in the room. Honestly, I thought nothing of it.

Over two years later, he called me out of the blue. “Joe, You’re my guy,” he said. “You’re getting all my deals.”  I didn’t even remember who he was.

He reminded me. “We met in Vegas,” he said. “You were a big deal. I was nobody. I met a lot of lawyers that day, but you were the only one who took the time to talk to me, to help me, to introduce me to people. You didn’t ask for anything. I never forgot that.”

Since that day, we’ve worked on more than a dozen transactions together, all because of one lunch, one conversation, and a little kindness with no agenda.

That’s what business development actually looks like.

Every Interaction Is an Opportunity

Great business developers understand that every interaction is a chance to build equity, not just with clients, but with everyone in their network. Sometimes that looks like sharing an article or update simply because it reminded you of someone. Other times, it’s making an introduction between two people who should know each other, even if it has nothing to do with you. It can be as simple as checking in on a former client just to ask how they’re doing, with no pitch attached.

These little touches compound over time. They build goodwill. And they shift your reputation from “lawyer” to “trusted resource.” That’s when people start calling you, not because they need a contract reviewed, but because they need someone they trust. And if you’ve done it right, you’ll be the first person they think of.

Final Thoughts: Reclaim Your Inner Kid

If you want to build a thriving practice, you don’t need to become a slick salesperson. You need to become more human. More generous. More persistent. In other words, you need to think like a six-year-old.

That means being curious and refusing to take “no” personally. It means offering help with no strings attached and continuing to show up even when you’re not immediately wanted. It’s about not being afraid to look a little awkward or overly enthusiastic, and about focusing on people, not just prospects.

Because here’s the truth: the people who build the biggest books of business aren’t the most polished or persuasive. They’re the most present, helpful, and genuine. So pull up a chair at the lunch table. Say hello. Share what you know. And don’t worry about the “no.” Someone’s going to remember.